Happy Mother's Day

Grateful for the blessing of a wonderful mother, and a wonderful daughter to share her legacy with.

Made By Me Monday

Easter was a huge deal in my house when I was growing up. A lot of planning went into the outfits, particularly my mom's and mine. Every year we would go to the craft store together and pick out two dress patterns and one fabric, and my mom would proceed to make us coordinating dresses. And, of course, I would get an Easter bonnet.

So, this year as I wander through stores and see all the Easter items, I'm tempted by every tiny hat and frilly dress. To put an end to the temptation, I decided to make a bunny hat for Charlie.

Then Tim called and told me one of his co-workers was having a baby shower, so I tried out a bear hat.

I had to adapt the ear patterns a little to meet my level of know how, so they're not as polished as you might find at Baby Gap, but I think they're cute just the same.

Here's Charlie modeling the bunny hat (which barely fits her. I need to switch to larger needles.) The bear hat is too tiny for her big head, so no modelling was done for that one.

Four Years

Four years have gone by since my tiny, hilarious, scrappy, amazing mom went to be with the Lord. I'm excited for the day we'll be reunited. She is so missed.

I Saw a Leaf Fall to the Ground Today...

Last year on this day I quoted a poem by a beloved professor of mine. I think it's worth reposting today.

I saw a leaf fall to the ground today.

For an entire season it had clung proudly to its place, gleaming brightly in the summer sun. It had felt its usefulness and beauty. But when embraced to Autumn's cold breast, its beauty faded; it became shriveled and sere. Still, it clung tenaciously to its accustomed spot on the branch. After much urging by a gentle wind, it wavered between its desire to remain with the known, and the desire to experience teh unknown. Finally, it embarked on its new adventure, and sailed happily with the breeze and gently fluttered to join many of its cold companions, and to meet many of a brighter hue. When it came to rest, I think I heard it release a sigh of contentment.

I am now in the summer of my life - enjoying my place, feeling of some use and service. When the late Autumn of my life comes, I think I shall be like that leaf I saw fall today. Certainly, I shall hesitate to leave the accustomed. But I know that once the great adventure is begun, I shall sail into eternal contentment.

You who see the leaf of my life fade and fall; Do not mistake that final breath as a groan. It will be a joyful sigh of release into the hands of my Great God, Creator and Savior.

CW Smith - November 14, 1972

Today marks three years since my mom went home. I'm so excited for the day we're reuinited.

Three Years Ago Today...

...was the last time I spoke with my mom. Today is my parents anniversary - I believe it would be their 33rd. At this point we knew that she was dying, although the doctors had given us hope that she would be with us for a few more months. Tim and I headed down to Kent after work that day to drop off an anniversary gift - tulips, See The Morning CD by Chris Tomlin, and Lady in the Water by M Night Shymalan. Tim (the other Tim) and Chie had cooked dinner for my parents and when we came in they were eating in the dining room. Mom seemed to be doing really well that day. She was walking, talking, even eating a small amount - something that had been getting more and more difficult. We stayed only briefly, wanting them to have time together, and headed out. Three days later she went Home. By the time I got to her she was unresponsive. The whole family was there, which could have only been by the hand of God, and we held her hands and tried to comfort her until she was with Him.


I really miss her. The silliest things set me off, like not being able to remember a recipe at the grocery store and knowing that she'd be able to tell me what to get if I could just call her. I know that she's finally well, and happier than I can imagine, and that we will one day be reunited, but it's hard. I still cry myself to sleep every so often, but the pain is becoming less sharp, and I know it will continue to lessen as the days go on.


I apologize that my first post is ages is so unhappy, but that's just what I'm feeling right now, and this seemed like as good a place as any to get my thoughts out. Signing out.

Mom's Button Cookies

Last night I went to a Christmas party. It was the perfect opportunity to make my mom's famous button cookies. They turned out delicious, so I thought I'd share the recipe.

Ingredients:
For the cookies:
2 cups flour
1 cup butter
1/3 cup light whipping cream
1 cup sugar
For the frosting:
1 1/2 cup powdered sugar
1/2 cup butter
2 teaspoons vanilla
Red and green food coloring
Directions:
Mix flour, 1 cup softened butter, and light whipping cream together, kneading with your hands until dough makes a ball. Cover the dough and chill it in the fridge for an hour.

Preheat oven to 375. Roll the dough 1/8" think, rolling 1/3 of it at a time. Cut out small circles (I use the top of a shot glass). Put 1 cup of sugar in a small bowl. Dip each cookie round in the sugar, coating both sides. Place them on an ungreased cookie sheet, prick them with a fork and bake for 7-9 minutes. Do not over bake. They will be a light golden brown. Let them cool completely.

Frosting: Mix butter, powdered sugar and vanilla and divide into two bowls. Add red food coloring to one half, and green to the other. Frost 1/2 of the cookies and top them with the other half.

Makes about 24 cookies. Enjoy!


Yes, this was my breakfast. Please don't judge me.

The Christmas party was great, complete with carols, Secret Santas and lots of food. Two of the girls even made ornaments for everyone, look how cute they are!

If you make the cookies, let me know how you like them! They're a Christmas staple in our home. Do you have a cookie you bake every Christmas?

Thoughts on Grief

A dear friend of mine just lost her brother unexpectedly. I remember a time when I wouldn't have been able to relate to this, but in the past (almost) three years I've come to know the weight of grief, how it gnaws at your thoughts and your stomach simeltaneously, how it strikes when you're least expecting, and how you never truly get over it. The world wants us to cope. Just pretend nothing is wrong for as long as you can, and then do whatever you need to to "deal" with the pain.

As believers we have an option so much better than coping. We can hope. We understand a little bit about the grace of God. We know that His hand is in this. He's orchestrated the whole event, for reasons we can't understand, to ends we can't understand. We find hope in the assurance of salvation, the promise of Heaven - a land infinitely better than anything we can imagine, and in knowing that death is not the end.

It seems like almost instantly after my mom went Home I panicked over what our relationship would be in Heaven. I was terrified (this sounds horrible, but understand the state I was in) that when we arrive in Heaven we're so captivated by Jesus that we don't care about who's around us. I followed this line of reasoning to the determination that if this is true, then essentially I would never see my mom again. That, although we would be sharing the same Home, we wouldn't be interested in each other. This was a thought I couldn't bear. So, I began my research. I pulled out my heavy concordance and searched the Scriptures for references to Heaven. I read parts of Randy Alcorn's book, Heaven. One of my mom's friends had sent it to her a few weeks before she passed. And I found comfort. Scripture does point to relationships in Heaven. Yes, we will be captivated by Jesus, naturally, but it is a citizenship. A world that will work similar to ours, but perfected. Looking at the garden of Eden, the world the way God intended, a world without sin, there was communion between God and man and communion between man and man. My biggest fear has been alleviated by studying God's Word, and the works of men who follow Him.

Another thing I came to realize was that my mom's death was not about me. I wandered for a time thinking, "Why did I have to lose my mom?" It took me a longer amount of time that I would like to admit to recognize that this wasn't done to punish me or something of that sort. Yes, as a bi-product I was affected completely. And I don't mean to say that God didn't/doesn't intend to teach me through it, but ultimately God took my mom because it was time for her to join Him. She'd suffered so much for so long. I've only really learned how extreme her suffering was in the past few years. God was ready to take her pain away. To give her a new body, whole and beautiful, not crippled and broken. She'd spent her life trying to help people know and love God, and it was time for her to have her reward.

I don't know if this makes sense, or if anyone will read it, but this is what I've been thinking about the past few days. Pray for my friend and her family, that they will have comfort and know the Lord in a new way through this. I'll leave you with this:

1 Corinthians 15-
50 I tell you this, brothers: flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. 51 Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, 52 in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. 53 For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality. 54 When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written:
“Death is swallowed up in victory.”55 “O death, where is your victory?O death, where is your sting?”
56 The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57 But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
58 Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.

Reflection reflections

I've noticed that pretty much every time I catch my reflection lately I see my mom. I've always resembled my mom (often due to matching outfits), but now it's getting crazy. Like, spitting image. In a way it's kind of nice, almost as if I get to see her every day. But it's not really the looking at her that I miss. It's the talking, the crafting, her surprise notes, being able to call from the grocery store and confirm a recipe, her competitive (which is an understatement) nature, the unexpected sayings (Stick it! etc.), the hugs, the laughter...so much. I love knowing that this is temporal, and that I will see her again.

Early Christmas Present!

I got my first Christmas present over the weekend. Crazy, I know. Last year I got my first Christmas present in October (my dad got Lion King tickets, and had to tell me so I'd stop begging Tim for them). Anyway, on Saturday Dad and I were hitting all the thrift stores looking for my Barbie dress. We happened into a little decor shop that was closing, so everything was 35%off. They happened to have the very last piece of my nativity. My mom had been giving me a different piece every year, but she passed on before it was completed. My dad had wanted to finish it for me, but the remaining piece (the creche) is uber expensive. As it happened, this store had it discounted and had an additional 35% off! Bada boom, bada bing, I have my completed nativity. So this year, instead of being crammed into a shelf on our media stand like this:

(I don't know why this is so crooked. Either our house is on a slope or my head is.)

It will have a place of honor (to be determined) looking like this: